Gloom, Despair and Agony….

By Norman M. Covert

One can only look back on the crazy events of last week and recall the wisdom offered by Kornfield Kounty sages Archie Campbell, Gordie Tapp and Grandpa Jones in the 1970s television show “Hee Haw”:

“Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me [Ohh!];

               “Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery [Howl!].

          “If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all [Baaah!];

               “Gloom, despair, and agony on me [Ooooh!].”

It may be time for the GOP faithful to head for the hills; kick off their shoes; chuck on some wood and stoke the fire under the boilin’ pot; mix a batch of corn slurry, sugar and other magic ingredients; and wait for the “White Lightnin’” to bubble from the copper coil.

Image of comics Hillbilly character Snuffy Smif, circa 1919, keeping low profile from Sheriff Tate.

That is the only cup of magic elixir the disparate factions of the GOP will be able to savor the next four years. They can interrogate a Ouija Board, Eight Ball, Tarot Cards, palm readers and Hillbilly seers, but Barack Hussein Obama and his gang will still be occupying the power seat in Washington, D. C.

Lightning certainly didn’t strike the GOP in nationwide voting, to use a sports writing term, and as I read in the gloating press, that’s what it gets for being such racists and touting the “White Guy.”

Grand Ole Opry star Grandpa Jones was key character in Hee Haw.

Mr. Obama defied historical precedence to snatch victory from the apparent jaws of defeat. He bested Franklin Roosevelt’s 1938 comeback from a tepid four-year term; and made amends for the drubbing of Jimmy Carter by Ronald Reagan in 1980.

Mitt Romney had just gotten his Mojo back, but too late! The party tried to bind his and its corporate/brand wounds from the devastation of the primary election campaign. That was when the GOP self destructed.

Candidate Obama may have had some help, but he mostly could bide his time and watch the terminal patient expire Nov. 6, 2012.

Interesting as I look at the reports of some 140 percent of registered voters casting ballots in several Florida precincts. Today the media is propounding that it isn’t true. Yes, there were some problems with the data cards, they report, but there were double ballots turned in and the count should be 70-71 percent. Yes, I believe that.

Candidate Mitt Romney garnered no votes in Philadelphia precincts.

What do you think about Philadelphia where nearly every precinct counted ballots and not one was cast for Mr. Romney. Not one for anyone else, not even the Green Party candidate? Yes, I can believe that.

What of the reports that Mr. Obama captured 99.9 percent of the votes in Washington, D. C.? Yes I can believe that.

Can dead persons really cast ballots as pointed out by several poll watchers in Chicago? Yes, I guess I can believe that.

As an election judge, I saw numerous potential voters say they were registered even though the poll books couldn’t locate them. Some were allowed to cast Provisional Ballots. Two of them told me they were supposed to vote, but didn’t know what to do or for whom to cast ballots—they would need help. Obviously the Democrats “got out the vote” and should be congratulated for their achievement.

I met many first-time voters – old and young — and I was impressed to see so many senior citizens who were voting for the first time in many years. They were listed as inactive and had to show some form of identification.

Elections are traditionally a breeding ground for corruption where unions, gangsters and the traditional political power brokers are wont to influence vote tallies. But I understand the Voting Rights Act of 1965 cleaned it all up – in the south. In the north, apparently there never was and isn’t a problem. Yes, I can believe that?

It brings to mind another cinematic volume of wisdom: this in the dialogue from “The Sting.” Con-Man Henry Gondorff (Paul Newman) has just lain down four Jacks to beat Gangster Doyle Lonnegan’s (Robert Shaw) hand and take the $15,000 pot. Lonnegan ran the rigged game on the 20th Century Limited from New York to Chicago.

President Barack Obama, king of the hill. (Getty Photo)

When Gondorff’s crony Johnny Hooker (Robert Redford) pretends to rat out Gondorff’s theft of Lonnegan’s wallet, the gangster asks how he could have been beaten?

“He cheats,” says Hooker.

“I can’t tell anyone he cheats better than me,” Lonnegan says.

There you have it. Let the firewater flow in the smoke filled rooms of the GOP shanties, let ‘em spit their “terbacky” juice and scratch, but it doesn’t change anything.

Barack Hussein Obama may be viewed by some as a scoundrel and maybe his supporters did “cheat better” than the GOP, but he is king of the hill. The smart money is on trying to tap the till before the well runs dry.

Gloom, despair….—© 2012 Norman M. Covert

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